You know that movie, Snakes on a Plane? I’d like to do a re-make called Babies on a Plane except that my movie will actually be frightfully scary and realistic. The synopsis would go something like this…
When a young man (Nathan Phillips) witnesses a brutal mob murder, it falls to FBI agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) to escort his charge safely from Hawaii to Los Angeles to testify. But in an act of self-preservation, the crime boss facing prison strategically places bad parents with bratty kids onto the commercial aircraft, specially timed so that halfway over the Pacific, all of the babies and toddlers are uncontrollably screaming in unison. Flynn, along with a frightened flight crew and passengers, must then band together, in spite of nosebleeds and pierced ear drums, in a desperate attempt to survive. The question remains. Will they?
And that pretty much sums up the return portion of my travels from Europe. Honestly, though…they should give parents and kids a test before they let them on the plane. If they can’t play nice and shut their kid up in a reasonably quick amount of time then, I’m sorry, they are not allowed to fly and piss-off scores of passengers simply trying to catch a wink. I love kids, but not mis-behaved assholes with parents to match. Can babies be assholes?
With most all flights overbooked these days, it is inevitable that there will be a baby or a young child on board. What I don’t understand is how the only little people who fly, it seems, are actually beasts, capable only of brutish grunts, monsterous roars and screams in pitches only dogs can appreciate. I haven’t encountered one nice young child who is pleasant and cute and adorably silent. And my luck has been not only to have these little shits on my flights, but then to be seated way-to-close to these freaks of nature. I want to toss them out the window. Or place them in the dog-carrier cages and put them in cargo. Or allow the parents to give them a shot of brandy to knock the kid out for the flight. Perhaps there is a dog muzzle which can be adapted for kids?
Who’s with me? ;p