theory of friendship aristotleBlog

theory of friendship aristotle

Aristotle outlined two common kinds of friendships that are more accidental than intentional. He taught us to examine the world empirically, and he inspired generations of thinkers and philosophers to consider the role and value of ethics in the everyday conduct of our lives, including our relationships.While he saw the value in accidental friendships based on pleasure and utility, he felt that their impermanence diminished their potential. This requires a longer discussion than we have space for here. They depend on mutual growth.Rather than being short-lived, such a relationship endures over time, and there’s generally a base level of goodness required in each person for it to exist in the first place.People who lack empathy and the ability to care for others seldom develop these kinds of relationships because their preference tends toward pleasure or utility. But maybe that’s not so much a problem with the “soulmate” view of marriage as an incorrect definition of a soulmate. The bonds we forge with those close to us directly shape the quality of our lives. This is the insight that can help us understand something important about marriage. These relationships are temporary: whenever the benefit ends, so does the relationship. Aristotle’s discussion of friendships of pleasure and utility already implies a clear answer about how to It’s important to understand that when Aristotle says that true friends seek the other’s benefit over their own, he is And this, at long last, leads to the really important insight that Aristotle has about true friendship. Because he also said that “ it is not noble to hope for favors in return, because only a shameless person requires benefactors, and friendship is above all a freedom. And true friends, friends who love each other for their own sake, see in each other a shared conception of the goal of life. In this relationship, two parties are not in it for affection. If they’re a good enough person to warrant such a relationship to begin with, there’s utility there, too. While Aristotle’s impact can still be felt in many disciplines, one of his most enduring observations relates to friendship. It means ordering the most basic activities of life to the pursuit of goodness.What does it mean to “pursue virtue together” or “guard” one’s spouse’s virtue? Not everything he wrote is relevant today, of course, and many of his assumptions have been argued against. It seems pretty clear, though, that in the typical case this won’t mean that you get really adept at pointing out each other’s faults. Aristotle observed that these relationships of utility were most common among older people.Think of a business or work relationship, for example. Toward the end of his life, dying from cancer, but finally sober, finally in a stable relationship, and finally at peace, the American writer and poet Raymond Carver wrote “Late Fragment”:Carver’s words express what we all really want deep down, especially from marriage: we want to feel beloved. They lacked depth and a solid foundation.Instead, he argued for the cultivation of virtuous friendships built with intention and based on a mutual appreciation of character and goodness. And in that sense, marriage is very much about soulmates. In an important sense, it is bigger than the two people who take it up. This kind of relationship, he found, was more common among younger people. It’s not just that some of the most annoying habits have nothing to do with moral goodness (virtuous people chew as loudly as vicious ones) but that it’s unlikely that nagging ever made anyone want to be a better person.

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