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asking out a retail worker

That’s how it’s been done forfreakingever. Would you feel “flattered?” I do not so much when it happens to me. What cinched it for me was my dad who was there with me. There are probably a lot of gender dynamics at play too (I’m a female, I asked out a male) – if the roles were reversed it may feel more awkward. What do you see as your greatest strength? This guy’s comfort level has been a huge concern of mine. There is also the fact that their job hinges on them being nice to everyone- also a power issue. and some comments like “have you ever tried the _____? I know what you’re saying about the stalking: I’ve been there myself and would never want to put someone in that position. But, you know, it’s such a personal thing, asking someone out. Remember that interviewing works both ways, and asking questions is an opportunity to be sure the job is a good fit for you. Either way, continue the conversation. It feels like a lose-lose situation. I know people who have met because they ride the same train to work every day or they’ve attended the same sporting event. And if there’s mutual chemistry, you can always get dinner/drinks/etc. I have to say, I feel bad for the pressure being put on men for the whole asking someone out thing because that was the first and ONLY time I have ever asked a guy out and I got rejected. Many, many people have posted here about their experiences working in customer service positions, which require them to be pleasant and nice to customers as part of their paycheck, and how unpleasant and difficult it is to negotiate romantic interest from customers when that power imbalance exists (and particularly when there are people who rely on or even enjoy that power imbalance). She went to Spain on vacation, bought a bunch of cheese, and casually mentioned it to him one day, saying, “It might be fun for you to come over and try some of it with me.”. I don't care that you don't put your clothes away, but at least flip them inside out. That’s great in theory & hopefully one day we get there as a society, but the cold hard fact is that women are so much more likely than men to be assaulted or coerced on a date. (I was visiting my hometown, where he worked, but I lived pretty far away.). He didn’t have any way of knowing that his asking me out was going to be such an issue for me, but it still made work awkward and scary for a while, and I did my best to avoid him from then on. “There there” from Radiohead rings a bell. She was probably scared shitless. Have a list of questions ready to ask that will clarify the job requirements, your schedule, the flexibility of the position, and anything else that would help you decide whether you would want the job if it were offered to you. If he calls, you know what to do. Finally, she asked him out. Also, regardless of the merits of OP asking/not asking, can we PLEASE roundfile the whole “but how else is the species supposed to continue” fallacy, which, bluntly, gets trotted out in defense of everything from workplace harassment to stalking. What is most important—a good product or friendly, fast service? I think the thing here, is that–like someone posted upthread–“hitting on” versus “asking out” and what constitutes the line between them is subjective. That is a concern I had thought of. She said she’s there to work, not to get hit on or asked out. I have a boyfriend. Don’t ask out the waitress, or other person providing you customer service in order to survive. I wouldn’t have even thought twice about it… it honestly never would have occurred to me that it might cause issues for the employee, or that this was a common issue for retail employees to deal with! I agree with Alison: it’s not “no no no never never never” but one must be exquisitely aware of the context, which means an “almost never” thing. http://www.bodyforwife.com/she-doesnt-owe-you-shit/. As a guy, I don’t worry about the woman attacking me or anything but I do think about getting robbed by someone else hiding at her place. I did this once as the employee asking out a customer (there was no rule against it), and he said “You should know I have a girlfriend.” Then why the hell were you flirting with me non-stop for days? Martial arts class. Thanks msbadbar, I loved your story, especially about your dad! (Still gay, now not so closeted :D) So while I was able to stumble out a decline that didn’t out me and sounded fairly legitimate, the truth was I’d been rather blindsided, and I spent the rest of the day scared that one of my coworkers would have overheard and I was going to get grilled about why I didn’t agree to the date later on. And it’s so true; it can be tricky to know if someone just really likes corn or really likes you. Only … he didn’t stop asking me out. What would think if one of your employees asked out a customer? I can find out though and that might make things a little less fraught, dynamics-wise, if he is. “Part of having agency and being liberated is being able to say, “Hell, no! A lot of males who work in retail treat their job like the Bachelor and it’s extremely frowned on. Especially if whatever person I was talking to was clearly busy with something else. I'm a guy that has had really great conversations with a girl at a supermarket that I regularly shop at. The OP posts an innocuous “I see you every day at the 7-11 and I think you’re cute” but the employee thinks she posted the one that lists off 200 acts the Kama Sutra never dreamed of. I used to work at a library too and we were always told not to give out our full names and to be vigilant of patrons. An example could be, “Hey so this is going to be super weird. Please refrain. This is bad enough in public, but it’s a bit worse if you’re being put in that situation at work. Then, I'd grab my supervisor as fast as possible, and explain the circumstances so my supervisor would be prepared to deal with the customer. Please don’t hit on the poor schmuck who has to be nice to you or get fired. Book club. Remember where you are – sexy flirty behaviour leads to confusion where he isn’t sure if he understood, it’s so out of context. Yes. This x a million. I think, for women especially, there is also the matter of fatigue. Each pot of coffee holds 6 cups. That doesn’t mean that I feel the same way having crude comments shouted at me on the street. To clarify, I was talking about adult students, but still. I agree. You absolutely must sign on the dotted line of the hard copy offer to make everything official. I’m not saying that women never have trouble, because of course they do, but every one of the incidents that the men described were situations where all of the women who were in the conversation were basically “what the hell were you thinking going somewhere alone with a stranger/letting a stranger get that physically close to you?”. We laughed and decided best to keep things at friendly store chats. -, What has been your greatest accomplishment? If hired, how long do you plan on working here? The employee feels panicked and caught between a rock and a hard place, like he may not be able to turn the customer down without pulling down the wrath of management, and what had been a friendly encounter now turns into a recurring nauseating anxiety. Can I just work in peace without having to hide from horny men? If you run into him somewhere else, that would be fine, though – if you got the signals that it would be welcome. (disclaimer, I’ve never worked any customer-facing position, so maybe I’m way off). Yes, this. What would you do? Eventually he came to pick up his little sister on a day I happened to be out sick. Idiot. How much do they cost with 5% tax added on? She eventually ended up asking if she could add him on Facebook and then sent him a Facebook invite to a party she was having, which he showed up to with a date. But many parties are crowded and noisy and everyone is running about mingling. Interviewers want to know if you will be able to get along with, and work smoothly with, your fellow employees. I have a fair number of female friends, and many (I’d wager most) feel flattered when a man approaches them confidently and in a not-creepy or inappropriate way. Other than that, I'm available to work any shift you have available—and I'm eager for hours, so nights and weekends are fine with me. +1000 I work in customer service, it is so awkward to get asked out at work. I was a good 10 years older than him AND he knew I was engaged because after the first incident I made sure to mention it. I date women. Be casual, play it cool and do not put pressure on it, and I’m saying this because I think you’ll go through with it. There is a certain expectation put on the retail worker to always be polite, to be friendly, and to be helpful. In addition to helping to sell yourself to the interviewer, your communication skills will also help you excel at a retail position. If you ever want a tutorial in why this is a Very Bad Idea, go ahead and read the Craigslist “Missed Encounters” section, particularly the men-for-women. So I wouldn’t just give a blanket “no” as advice. I’m sure there are plenty of wonderful people who have found their partner by asking someone out while they are at work, but I’m also sure there are plenty of people who have found partners by asking out their employees–that doesn’t mean the power dynamic isn’t there, and that we should generally caution against it as a result. :/. The worst that could happen to whom? How much is 50% off? The best responses are specific, and focused on the company (not you). There’s no reason to be too embarrassed to ever return upon rejection unless you’re either serenading the guy in a public show, or if you be otherwise dramatic or persistent about it. Maybe mention a place nearby that you frequent, like the coffe shop you visit before work or your gym or the bar you sometimes have happy hour with coworkers at. And a lot of the general public gets that mixed up with actual proper social interactions, where both parties can leave the conversation any time they want. I like some of the advice above with the whole, “I’m thinking of doing this, maybe you should come join if you’re free,” and bonus if it’s with a group. Is it just me, or are libraries worse than other environments? If he were flirty I doubt that I’d take him seriously. That means having basic knowledge about the company and its products, as well as practicing your responses to the interview questions above. I see what you’re getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks they’re doing the former. My boyfriend has told me many stories about the waitresses who were in love with him when he was single and I just shake my head in amazement. Arrange to “run in” to someone as they are leaving, but asking them out in their place of employment is frankly awful. How far in advance is the schedule posted? Yeah, that’s a sitcom episode waiting to happen. That's a solo activity mostly, but I love to make recommendations to friends and family. Oh man! This could mean 1. she's not interested 2. she's shy. I may have spent several hours of my life yelling, “YES OF COURSE SHE DOES THAT IS HER JOB” at my computer. You could try to get friendly with one of his coworkers to find out if he’s single, and possibly also when his break is or when he gets off work. Until you have a stronger feeling. He was confused – she asked, “Did you really think one person could eat that much corn?”. And of course, a lot of people would prefer not to field come-ons while they’re working. I would go so far as to say that if you, man, think an employee, woman, likes you, to think deeply about how good your judgement in this area typically is before you ask her out in said low-key, low-pressure way. NEVER ask a girl up front out (while she's working). Ask them if they would consider going on a date with you. How many full-time employees does this store employ? One of the worst parts of retail was being trapped into conversations with these men over and over and not being able to walk away. They can't fire people. It could be for one of a variety of reasons: personal or family health problems, the birth or adoption of a child, relief from excessive job stress, the loss of a loved one, or the desire to travel or pursue a hobby. Not every employee started out outgoing, but we all learned how to be. Both scenarios happened to me multiple times and it was always uncomfortable and always put me in an intensely awkward situation. Asking a female retail worker out on facebook.? We were both flattered though and it wasn’t awkward. And what do you think about customers asking out your employees? It’s not *dating* phobia per se — it’s management phobia. Secretarial positions suck for this, too — for what I’m sure are the same reasons. Religious group. If you don’t talk to a customer, they won’t talk to you. Yes, retail employees get hit on a lot, but on the flip side, I always thought working retail was fun because I got to meet some cute guy customers.

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